Yesterday I was glad to be back at work (no that’s not a typo) because to be honest my Mother’s Day was very disappointing and I spent the day amazed (and why I was is beyond me because I should know better than to expect something nice from my family) at just the whole day and how disappointed I felt.

It all started with an argument with my son’s father which made me frustrated and made me cry.  I know part of it for me I was still feeling resentful about his overreaction about the laundry situation on Friday and the fact that he didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day.  I wasn’t expecting some big expensive gift but it would have been nice to get some flowers.  The last two years I have received a nice bouquet of tulips (my absolute favorite flowers) and even some perfume.  I know I am not his ”significant other” any more but I am the mother of his child who does everything and is on 24/7 duty and to me that deserves some acknowledgement from him out of all people especially since (when we aren’t fighting) we have a close relationship.

I ended up going to my parents place in the later part of the afternoon after my son took a nap.  At that point no one had called me from my family.  My friends however had sent texts and called which was nice.  I stopped by a local florist and got 1/2 dozen red roses for my mother and a small bunch of flowers for my sister. 

When I got to my parents place, my mother wasn’t there - she was out with my sister (who I had been trying to reach all afternoon but wasn’t answering her cellphone).  I sat there for two hours with my dad and my son.  My mother finally comes in — turns out she, my sister and two of her sons had went to the movies.  My sister “tricked” my mother into going, etc.  I was just annoyed that I was sitting there, hungry and waiting.  A part of me was slightly annoyed that I wasn’t even invited but whatever.  My sister and mother have a weird dynamic that I have come to understand is rooted in one part guilt (on my mother’s side from leaving my sister in my grandmother’s care to come to this country) and another part of doing everything possible to be number one a/k/a the disease to please (from my sister as the child “left behind”).

I later went to my sister’s place to give her the flowers, her card and came home to order dominos for dinner which pissed me off even more because I was going to cook something but because I spent so much time waiting, it was late and I didn’t want to cook just for me (my father made sure to feed my son so he was not going to eat with me).

Yes, next year everyone will get some 1800flowers and a phone call - I will save myself from the what will they think if I don’t come over and just sum it up like this — I didn’t get there until 4ish and no one thought to call me all day so how important can I be.  I thought my mother was working which was why I didn’t come over until the afternoon.  I just got to learn to remember the disconnect there and not take it so personal, even though it is.

Then today I had the biggest moment of I need another fucking job sooner versus later.

I was in my office at 1 o’clock when I got a call from the building super telling me there was a leak coming from my apartment to the basement (I live on the first floor) and that I needed to come home as soon as possible.  I told him there was no way that this was possible because I was at work, well over an hour away and it’s the middle of my day.

I then get another call from someone from the management company (with whom I have had some battles with since they have took over this building) telling me that if I don’t come to open the door they will break down the door (which they can and I understand where they are coming from because the damage could be very expensive). 

So I go into my boss’ office and tell him I have to leave - he had overheard the first phone call and told me that they are legally allowed to go in there (something I already knew) and he added that they should have a key (they don’t because 1. they have never asked, 2. I changed the locks when I moved and 3. they took over after I had moved in).

My boss yells out I AM SO PISSED! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. SOMEONE MUST HAVE THE KEY TO YOUR APARTMENT!!!!!

I wanted to say excuse you(okay excuse the fuck out of you was what I was really thinking but I am at work) but I just asked him if there was something I needed to do before I left.  He told me to give a project he needed for one of his afternoon meetings to formerly silent co-worker.  I let him know I finished that project 20 minutes ago and it was in his inbox. Oh, okay.

I left without saying one more word.  I was so pissed.  I was trembling.  I had to have a cigarette before I headed home because I could not believe he had the nerve to raise his voice at me (which was the first no-no) and the first thing he tells me is HE IS PISSED.  Let’s see, have to pay for new locks, a locksmith after hours, have a new problem with the management company and potentially be liable for damage to the basement to cure him of being pissed or leave work a few hours early.  Let me run the numbers on that,  I have about $50 in my savings until I get paid, so I chose to go.

It took a lot of immaturity and selfishness on his part to blow up at me like that.  It was the first time in my almost three years of working for him that this happened and it better be the fucking last time because I am not at work to be anyone’s abuse toy.  He is a well known hot head.  He and last assistant had a relationship like that.  They were like two married people who didn’t want to be married anymore but they were both too stubborn to file for divorce first.  She would yell back at him and the result was her blood pressure rising.  I refuse to engage in that nonsense.

In the time working for him I only had to leave early twice: once when I came to work with food poisoning last summer (and no I didn’t know) and another time when there was an emergency and I had to go get my son from school.  Both times he was not in the office but it pissed me off that he had the nerve to go there.

The last time I was really sick with a cold and what could have turned into bronchitis, not once did he tell me to go home early and he was really pissed when I called out sick despite the fact that I had been sick the whole week. In fact when one of his direct reports came into his office and told him he was leaving early because he was having stomach troubles and my boss offered to arrange a car to take him home.  I almost fell out my chair especially since I was coughing so hard, I could feel my right lung squeeze extra hard.

When I told my son’s father about it he said add that to your list of getting out of there.  I just hope I don’t find another place full of the same kinks my current job has.  Everywhere has their “specialness” it’s just a matter of degrees.  The ironic part about this outburst happening today was I had kind of told myself that I would wait until October to go (so I could take on last vacation and use a plane ticket I bought and did not use — and will be out of $500 if I don’t).  The sweeter part, I saw a job posting for a very well known company looking for someone in their HR department and the position screamed APPLY HERE!!!!

The one good thing is that by the time I got home, the super determined my apartment didn’t start the leak and the water damage was not as bad as I prepared myself for.  There was water in my light fixture which was scary (and dangerous).  I have super soggy bathmats and a couple of t-shirts that I will be washing like 4 times in hot ass water and there was some water in my hallway.  There is also a crack above my sink which they will patch up later on in the week at my convenience.

I just hope my boss keeps any apologies to himself tomorrow.  I do not want to hear it.  He is also known to do that too, apologize after he realizes he overstepped a boundary.  It reminds me of an asshole I used to date many years ago who would provoke an argument with me, call me out my name and then call me for days saying he was sorry.  He too was confused when I deaded the relationship and didn’t look back - I hope my boss feels the same thing when I resign.